Unwanted

This is another entry for chronicling my depressive state again. I feel unwanted again. Feeling that this world has no place for me to stand in, there have been so much daunting events which befell me for the past few weeks that I begin to think that whether I am really that bad or not. My self-esteem has been rock-bottom for a month already, which won't be surprising to you if you have been reading my blog religiously. Sometimes I think the more I blog about my depression here, the worse it will become. This kind of inferiority complex is really killing me, I really feel very down, despite having friends consoling me that it'd be alright sooner or later.

Ironically, to manage my depression, I have been attempting to cook several dishes, including curry chicken with potato which I managed to cook it successfully yesterday. I bought the curry paste from Fairprice, and also lemongrass, chicken drumsticks, small red onions and potatoes. Wahh..it's my first curry dish, it seemed to be quite tasty, but I think it may need an extra touch of taste from additional curry leaves because the curry paste ingredients contained curry leaves so I did not buy it separately. Anyway, I'll be cooking it again this coming weekend as requested by someone special. Haha. Okay, I think it'd be good since I can go and shop for better ingredients in Little India. Furthermore, the three cookbooks that I borrowed from the Woodlands library today seem to promise me tantalising dishes that I'd be learning to cook for the next two weeks so as to occupy some free time of mine to avert from falling into the depression trap again, hopefully.

Staying Alive

I am still here. Comparing to others, I consider myself as a fortunate person relatively. I think I ought to feel complacent to the level I don't feel depressed anymore, but not to the level where I am so comfortable with my current position that I stop searching for a permanent job. Do I really have to find a job now, or is it a career that I'm supposed to find now so that history would not recur? My doubts are not as intense as previously though, I think I managed to boost my self-esteem a bit after securing a temporary position to do for one month. For people who are concerned with me, I really thank them for their supports which have enabled me to carry myself well all this long, and I can still take care of myself well despite being in the doldrums. I think I have become a stronger person, and lately I tend to see bad things that happened in a positive manner, I think everyone should see those things as blessings in disguise. Any bad happenings are deemed as resource to train you to become more independent, and it should be viewed as something value-adding to our life. It's a bit ridiculous if you think of it initially. Sadist, in the emotional way. But at least, it keeps me going and helps me with how to live a happier life.