Life goes on, even if you are faced with the worst setback

It's been really a difficult period for me, as I've been reminding myself to stay calm and hope for a better tomorrow. This melancholic feeling is growing within my mind again. I really think that I'm good for nothing, I really feel that my degree is useless, nobody wants to employ me, so what will become of me? I don't know. Yes, that's always my answer to things that seem complicated to me. It's a flight response. My entire mind is controlling my body not to fight subsconsciously. I think it's better for me to die and relieve myself of all these sorrows. Seriously, you would be thinking that I don't deserve any compassion since the things I've said here are utterly stupid, as you may be thinking that comparing to those people living on the streets and under the bridges, I am far much better than them and should learn to be complacent and live on and fight till the end. Unemployment sucks. Really. Not that you have never experienced that before, it's just that you have to overcome the misperception of others hailing you as somebody who is a useless piece of crap. It's really something ugly to conceive about. Your friends may always support you morally or sometimes even financially if you have earned their trusts on you previously, however things may become ugly if egoism and self-esteem get in your way of thinking. What I need to find is my self-esteem. I wanna find it back, though I may not have a very high self-esteem last time, but I guess it's going down the gutters if I am unable to get a job soon, whether permanent or temporary position. Now I am in position of neither here nor there. Like getting stucked and lost at a cross junction, not knowing which direction to go. Undoubtedly, I don't have friends who know me inside out. Even my girlfriend thinks that it's gonna be alright and things will be better soon and then I would feel better eventually. Yeah, perhaps she's somebody who's been my supportive and closest friend of all. Beyond that, I don't think that anyone else could understand me more, not even my family members. But in the first place, you can't expect somebody else to know what you are thinking deep down inside, for the reason that it's gonna be extremely intimidating that every move you make would be anticipated by that person. After all, I am just an ordinary and unremarkable person only, it's pointless for others to predict what I am going to do next since it would be very likely to be something justifiably predictable.

What I am trying to achieve in this blog entry is to keep reminding myself to think positively, to think that I am living my life for myself, not for other people, so comparison with peers and friends would deem to be rather useless. The important thing for me is to stay on the track, and try to avert off-track emotions which ought not to be in such a critical time for which strength and determination hold pivot roles for me to continue my hunt for the next job. Positive thinking really helps a lot really, perhaps I can take this unemployment period as a time for me to look at things clearly and from different facets of views. Friends that know me mostly think that I am friendly and sometimes loud, but I can get rather sensitive and emotional at certain things under different circumstances. I really hope that I can ward off all the negative thinking that have been infesting my mind for the past few days.